That’s what it means to become an adult. (1)
Sip, sip, sip, sip, sip.
“Ugh!”
After wrinkling up his face Chung Myung cheerfully took another sip of alcohol, wiping his mouth carelessly with his sleeve.
“You stick your lips right on the bottle. Well, drinking from a bottle while watching a river has its own charm.”
Then he glanced at Namgung Dowi sitting beside him.
“Why aren’t you drinking? Don’t you like alcohol?”
“Oh, no. I don’t particularly dislike it.”
“But?”
“It feels a bit awkward…”
Namgung Dowi looked at the liquor bottle in his hand. Having grown up under the strict discipline of the prestigious Namgung clan, he was not accustomed to drinking alcohol directly from a bottle. Moreover, they were sitting on a grassy field, so what difference did it make if he felt awkward?
“Is it difficult for you to drink without formality?”
“It’s not that, but…”
Chung Myung chuckled and took another sip of alcohol, making a grim face.
“Ugh.”
After wiping his mouth again, he spoke in a grumpy tone.
“Young folks like you tend to become heavy drinkers later on.”
“Really?”
“We have one like that among us too. A Shaolin Ttaengjoong [an insult for a corrupt monk] guy. At first, he used to criticize how lowly people drink from the bottle, but now he’s gone mad and steals my alcohol.”
“A Shaolin Ttaengjoong? Oh, by any chance, are you talking about Monk Hye Yeon?”
“That’s right. That guy!”
“Monk Hye Yeon drinking alcohol… especially stealing it from Dojang’s stock?”
“That’s right! Can you believe it?”
Chung Myung grinned mischievously.
“I raised that tiger cub.”
“…”
Namgung Dowi stared at Chung Myung in a daze, then chuckled softly.
“…Is it funny?”
Chung Myung glared at him, and Namgung Dowi quickly suppressed his laughter, extending his hand.
“It’s not that I find Dojang funny, it’s just that this situation is humorous.”
“What do you know?”
Chung Myung sighed deeply. Namgung Dowi calmly examined the bottle he was holding and then slowly brought it to his lips. He drank it down in one gulp.
“Cough! Cough! Cough!”
“What’s wrong?”
“What… what kind of alcohol is this? Cough! Cough!”
His face turned red, and he couldn’t stop coughing. It was indeed a strong and harsh drink that felt like it was burning his throat.
Chung Myung chuckled.
“That’s how real liquor tastes.”
“W-what kind of alcohol is this? It’s poison!”
“Tsk, tsk. This is why kids from noble families…”
Chung Myung clicked his tongue in a dismissive manner.
“So, can’t handle it?”
“I… Well…”
Namgung Dowi paused for a moment, his voice trailing off as he pondered. Eventually, he glanced alternately between Chung Myung and the bottle.
After a brief hesitation, he bit his lip and began to drink. Chung Myung applauded.
“Oh, you drink well.”
Glug, glug, glug.
“Kyaah, you know how to handle alcohol.”
Glug, glug, glug, glug.
“Huh?”
Glug, glug, glug, glug, glug.
“Stop! You crazy guy!”
Terrified, Chung Myung forcefully pulled the liquor bottle away from Namgung Dowi’s lips.
“Khehaaaaack!”
As if he had swallowed bitter poison, Namgung Dowi clutched his reddened neck with both hands.
“…Are all Namgung bastards like this, lacking any moderation?”
Chung Myung continued to mutter,
“Even so, it feels like they weren’t this uncivilized back in the day…”
while Namgung Dowi struggled to regain his composure, still coughing.
A while later, when he managed to stop coughing, Namgung Dowi said,
“Well… It’s not bad.”
“It doesn’t look like you’re enjoying it at all?”
In response to Chung Myung’s question, Namgung Dowi lowered his head slightly and looked at the bottle in his hand.
“Back in the day, I might have said this isn’t real liquor… But now, I think I understand why people drink this.”
“I still have no idea.”
“Hehe. It feels… nice, Dojang.”
“You’re just blowing smoke.”
Namgung Dowi seemed to shake off his dizziness, lifting his head a few times.
It had been a while since he had last drunk alcohol, and the warmth was slowly spreading through his body. Normally, he would have used his inner energy to control and dispel the heat, but at this moment, he didn’t feel like doing that.
“Dojang.”
“What?”
“Do you have another bottle?”
“….”
Instead of answering, Chung Myung looked up at the distant sky.
“…Why do only things like this happen to me?”
Is it the world that’s wrong, or is it him?
– Do you ask because you don’t know?
“Ah!”
“Why, why all of a sudden?”
“Oh, nothing.”
After glaring at the sky for a moment, Chung Myung sprawled out on the ground.
“Oh, I’m getting drunk.”
Namgung Dohwi stared at him for a moment and asked Chung Myung with a bit of unease.
“Dojang.”
“Yes?”
“Why did you call me here?”
“Huh?”
Namgung Dohwi let out a sigh.
“I didn’t have anything specific in mind when I called you.”
“Oh?”
“Let’s drink.”
“….”
“Just drink. What’s life for anyway? It’s all about drinking.”
Anyone who expects something from Chung Myung will inevitably end up more disappointed than they expected. It’s a natural occurrence at Hwasan, but unfortunately, Namgung Dowi was unaware of this fact.
“Ha….”
Laughter and sighs mixed together. Namgung Dowi turned his head to look at the silhouette of the dark Yangtze River and muttered.
“In truth… In truth, Dojang, I don’t want to leave this place yet.”
“Hmm?”
“I’m not sure if I can explain it properly, but I don’t want to return to Anhui. Honestly, I was a bit… scared. If I leave this place and return to Anhui…”
Becoming the head of the Namgung Clan. It was still too heavy of a burden for Namgung Dowi. The responsibility that he thought would come at least twenty years later had suddenly fallen upon him. Moreover, it wasn’t a normal Namgung Clan, but the Namgung Clan who had lost over half of its strength, possibly more than three-quarters.
Namgung Dowi continued, almost as if he was confessing.
“I got angry earlier.”
“….”
“I got angry because it didn’t feel like me. I pretended to be disappointed, asking them why they didn’t trust me and follow me.”
Namgung Dowi slowly turned his head.
“But… perhaps it wasn’t them I was angry with. No, it wasn’t. What really made me angry… was seeing myself, who might be thinking the same way as them or even more scared than them.”
“Hmm.”
He covered his face with both hands and spoke as if he was sobbing.
“It’s difficult, Dojang. It’s too heavy a burden for me. I don’t know what to do… At least, if I had twenty more years… No, even just ten more years… maybe then I could be a bit more resilient, maybe I wouldn’t waver so much…”
“Ugh!”
Chung Myung , who had been silent, suddenly sat up straight and fixed a fierce gaze on Namgung Dowi.
“Dojang!”
Their eyes met, and a strange sense of anticipation bloomed in Namgung Dowi’s heart.
Perhaps he would scold him for being inadequate.
Or maybe he would praise him for doing well.
Either way, it would be fine. What Namgung Dowi needed right now was someone who could evaluate him and guide him. Someone who could tell him whether his choices were right or wrong.
Perhaps… if it’s Hwasan Geomhyeop, he might be able to guide him.
But…
“There.”
“Yes.”
Chung Myung pointed with his chin beyond Namgung Dowi towards another bottle of alcohol.
“Bring me that bottle next to it. I think it’s still there.”
“Alcohol…?”
“Yes, that one.”
“Uh…”
“Hurry.”
“Yes…”
Namgung Dowi’s tension eased as he smiled and handed the bottle to Chung Myung .
‘What am I even saying?’
He knew.
No one could help him, and no one could offer advice. In this situation, all that others could offer were clichéd words. In the end, he had to endure and solve everything by himself.
He knew that… he knew it all too well.
Chung Myung’s throat bobbed up and down vigorously as he drank from the bottle.
*Gulp! Gulp! Gulp!*
“Krrrr…!”
He pulled the bottle from his lips and let out a satisfied exclamation.
Chung Myung looked at Namgung Dowi and clicked his tongue.
“Do you think anything would have been different if you had experienced this ten years later?”
“Uh…”
“If you had gone through it twenty years later, would it have been easier?”
“Well…”
“Come on, kid.”
Chung Myung waved his hand dismissively as he spoke.
“I’m just saying that the notion that life gets easier as you get older is a misconception. I’ve grown older, but it’s not like the world has become any easier. If anything, my mind has only become more complicated than when I was young.”
“D-Dojang?”
When he was young?
“Hah, the days of youth. It feels like it was just yesterday.”
“…”
Is this guy making fun of me right now?
Namgung Dowi looked utterly flabbergasted and stared at Chung Myung with a dumbfounded expression. It was then that Chung Myung asked him calmly.
“Would everything have been easy for Lord Namgung Hwang?”
At those words, Namgung Dowi’s body tensed.
“…My father…”
He reflexively tried to say something, but the following words from Chung Myung silenced him.
“Do you think your father, as you know him, lived so easily?”
“…”
“No, he didn’t. It’s an insult to say that a nobleman like him lived easily.”
Right, there’s no way. Namgung Hwang always did his best, in any situation. Sometimes he made mistakes, and sometimes he failed, but he was always a man who tried to do everything he could.
“Then, if Namgung Hwang was here right now, would things be significantly different?”
“…”
“No, it wouldn’t.”
Chung Myung nodded.
“The situation might have improved a bit, but your father’s concerns wouldn’t have been much smaller than yours. He would have shouldered even more expectations and responsibilities than you.”
“…”
“People are just people. There’s no one who won’t feel pain when stabbed with a sword, and no one whose heart is made of iron. Even the strongest-looking people feel pain and get hurt just the same.”
Namgung Dowi bit his lip.
“But that’s what it means to become an adult.”
“Yes.”
“It means learning to pretend like you’re not in pain, even when you are.”
Namgung Dowi closed his eyes.
He thought of Namgung Hwang, who cleared the way for him.
Yes, he must have felt pain. It must have been agonizing. Both physically and emotionally.
But he couldn’t show that he was in pain, he couldn’t show that he was suffering. Because there was Namgung Dowi behind him. Because there were those he had to protect at Maehwado. Because there were people looking up to him.
“To shoulder something means… that’s how it is.”
“…”
“Feeling pain is natural, and it’s natural to be tough. No, you should feel pain, and it should be tough. Comfortable times won’t come for those who shoulder more and try to lead one step further.”
Chung Myung took a sip of his drink.
His gaze, which had lingered over the river, had somehow drifted into the distant past. But after a moment, his gaze returned to the manor behind him.
To the place where all the people of Hwasan were.
“I don’t know well, but…”
Chung Myung looked directly at Namgung Dowi.
“It will surely be with you. What Namgung Hwang desperately passed down to the next generation.”
Namgung Dowi unknowingly clenched his fist.
It’s there. Yes, it’s definitely there.
Namgung Hwang definitely conveyed something to him. What Namgung’s sword is.
That an emperor’s sword isn’t about ruling and dominating but about protecting from the front.
How can the one who has to block the enemy and break through adversity not feel burdened or not have worries?
“Just that will do.”
“…”
“What you need is already conveyed. It means it’s being passed on.”
“Dojang.”
“But think about it if you’re still unsure.”
“What are you talking about…?”
Chung Myung grinned.
“What you want to pass down to the next generation.”
“…”
“That will be the path you need to follow.”
Namgung Dowi stared at Chung Myung for a long time in silence. Then, he glanced toward the direction of the river.
Namgung’s spirit flows in that river.
What kind of life did they hope Namgung Dowi would live?
“Dojang.”
“Yes?”
Namgung Dowi, who had been silent for a long time, slowly spoke up.
“Could I… Could I do well?”
“Well, I can’t know all that, but you seem like you’ll be a good patriarch.”
“Yes?”
Chung Myung chuckled while looking back.
“Complaining means you believe in that person. It’s not likely that someone trusted by everyone won’t become a good patriarch.”
Namgung Dowi turned his head to look behind Chung Myung.
“Young Lord!”
“Young Lord, where are you!”
The swordsmen of Namgung who had followed him outside were all searching for him.
“I…”
Namgung Dowi, who was about to say something, clenched his lips. His head slowly drooped. Eventually, his shoulders began to tremble slightly.
Chung Myung smiled as he watched him. It was a smile as faint and warm as the moonlight.
“So let’s have a drink tonight, kid.”
“Yes, Dojang.”
The night on Yangtze River grew deeper, accompanied by a strong scent of grass, and the breeze blowing from the river.
________
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