You can do it. (7)
“……Ugh.”
Baek Sang let out a groan and collapsed on the spot.
“…Am I actually alive?”
“No, you’re dead.”
“Thought as much.”
The blood soaking his back and chilling as it cooled down was unpleasant enough, but for now he could only be thankful that it wasn’t his.
“Cough. Cough.”
Baek Sang coughed dryly. His mouth was parched, and every cough felt as though his throat were tearing apart. He wondered if every last drop of moisture in his body had dried up.
“Somehow I survived. Somehow……”
“I’m telling you, you’re dead.”
“Just shut up, please… I don’t even have the strength to get mad.”
How many times had they escaped the brink of death? It was a wonder he was alive at all.
“……Ugh.”
Gwak Hoe, who had been hurtling nonsense at Baek Sang, finally slumped down where he was. His hands were trembling. Even if someone attacked now, he had no strength left to strike back. All that remained was to stretch out his neck and hope to be granted a clean death.
Still seated, Gwak Hoe swept his gaze around.
The ocher earth had now been dyed a dark red. The ground itself testified to how vicious the battle had been here.
A shiver ran through him. He realized anew that nothing on this field was moving anymore.
“Really……”
The war had driven them relentlessly. They ran and ran until breath caught at their throats and their hearts felt ready to burst. That was all there had been.
Which was why this silence felt all the more uncanny. ‘Peace’ would never suit a scene like this, but the word ‘end’ floated clearly in his mind.
“It’s over.”
Gwak Hoe sprawled flat on his back. Catching sight of him, Baek Sang clicked his tongue.
“This brat has no manners. Back in my day, if my Sasuk was resting, I’d hesitate thirty times before daring to ask if I might sit down for a moment. But you young lot………”
“…”
“Why so quiet, huh? Feeling a twinge of guilt?”
“…”
“Hey, you asleep?”
Baek Sang turned his head sharply, then let out a hollow chuckle.
Gwak Hoe had fallen asleep. No – strictly speaking, he had simply passed out as he lay there.
“Anyway, those ill-mannered Sajils……”
Then again, their bodies had reached the point where they simply couldn’t endure anymore.
Even if, in pure skill, those punks had surpassed Baek Sang by now, he’d rolled through the harsh years of Hwasan longer than any of them. Of course his willpower would be stronger.
“So… they say no younger brother ever measures up to the older one…”
As the sleep demon [수마(睡魔)] came for him, Baek Sang’s eyelids began to lower.
“…..Ugh.”
It felt as though his head were sinking deep into the earth.
Over the disciples of Hwasan, who had fallen into a slumber as deep as death, a fleeting, heavy peace descended.
❀ ❀ ❀
Heavy. His body felt as though it weighed a thousand geun.
Yet no matter how heavy his weary flesh was, it could not compare to the weight pressing down on his heart.
Baek Cheon’s foot brushed against yet another corpse.
Red Dog’s corpse.
And then… the corpse of another nameless one.
He still didn’t know what to call them. Even attaching the name Diancang felt something to be wary of. Perhaps it was something the dead would not have wanted.
Baek Cheon bent his knees for a moment, closing the wide, lifeless eyes of the fallen before him, then let out a faint sigh.
Walking across earth steeped in the stench of blood, heavy as resentment itself, Baek Cheon finally arrived before a man who clung to life by the thinnest thread, as if his breath might stop at any moment.
“…Sect Leader.”
At Baek Cheon’s call, the white-haired man slowly turned his head. But there was no longer any focus in his eyes.
“Is that… you?”
“Yes, it’s me.”
“Heh….. cough.”
Each time the man coughed weakly, blood spilled from his mouth.
Baek Cheon squeezed his eyes shut without thinking. Three blades were lodged in the man’s body, and a long horizontal gash split his abdomen. It was easy to tell he had not been granted much time to live.
Diancang’s fury could only be eased with the blood of Red Dogs and Sapaeryeon. So he didn’t want to blame them for being reckless. In the end, thanks to them, they had been able to bring the war to victory. That was a plain fact.
So he ought to be grateful – grateful for their sacrifice, and for their struggle.
Yet Baek Cheon simply could not feel that way.
To offer thanks… the sacrifice paid by those before his eyes was far too great. What do you call a sacrifice this cruel? Self-destruction? Or self-harm?
Most of the bodies entangled with the Red Dogs’ were Diancang’s. Far too many. So many it was suffocating.
They had chosen to die as nameless ones [무명인(無名人)], not even clad in Diancang’s martial robes.
What words can one speak before so many deaths? Should he take comfort in the fact that their dying faces didn’t look so full of resentment?
“…Why did you do it?”
“…”
“You didn’t have to.”
Jin Songwon looked at Baek Cheon with empty eyes. No – perhaps he seemed to be looking at something other than Baek Cheon.
Perhaps Diancang’s fate had already been decided. Neither Jin Songwon nor Baek Cheon could have changed it.
But Jin Songwon’s own fate might have been different. He didn’t have to face the Red Dogs at the very front. He could have swung his sword just enough and kept to the rear.
But the wounds carved densely across Jin Songwon’s body were answering for him: he could not.
“Hah……”
Jin Songwon bared his teeth in a smile.
“I… didn’t have to… indeed.”
“Sect Leader….”
“Then I suppose… I should answer that I… simply wanted to.”
Jin Songwon’s face contorted. It seemed he had tried to smile brightly, but his features could no longer form such an expression.
“You.”
“…..Yes, Sect Leader.”
“Sometimes…… living is more terrifying than dying.”
Baek Cheon squeezed his eyes shut once more.
“When I heard the news that Jang Ilso had died… when I saw the Red Dogs falling one by one… it suddenly crossed my mind: what if I, in the end, am the one who survives?”
Jin Songwon coughed up blood again.
“…And then, fear seized me.”
“Sect Leader….”
“If I go on living and return to Diancang like this… what am I to do?”
Baek Cheon answered as if he needed no time to think.
“Raise the next generation, and reclaim Diancang’s name. What has fallen can be built again.”
The corner of Jin Songwon’s mouth twisted slightly.
“….Like you all did?”
“Yes. Like Hwasan. We too… began again from a place where nothing remained.”
Jin Songwon forced himself to nod faintly.
Compared to Hwasan, which had suffered losses close to annihilation and lost its elders, Diancang’s situation might have been better.
“…You might have been able to do that. But… I cannot. I have already committed too many sins.”
“…”
“No – perhaps that, too, is just an excuse… I was merely too weak a man to bear all of it while living.”
Step.
Baek Cheon took a step towards Jin Songwon, then knelt and sat, taking Jin Songwon’s hand, which had gone cold.
“You are not weak. At least as far as I know, Sect Leader, you are truly a strong person. Stronger than anyone I have ever seen in my life.”
Jin Songwon did not answer. He only gazed with empty eyes at a sky he could no longer see. Yet through their joined hands, a faint strength was conveyed.
“Vice Sect Leader.”
“Yes, Sect Leader.”
“Help me up.”
Baek Cheon’s face hardened. Even the small act of raising his body could be fatal for Jin Songwon now. It might shorten what little life he had left.
But Baek Cheon lifted his upper body as he wished. He knew that sometimes there are things more important than continuing to live.
“Cough.”
Jin Songwon, having spat a great deal of blood once more, very slowly knelt before Baek Cheon. Then he gradually bowed his head.
Baek Cheon’s eyes widened like lanterns.
“S-Sect Leader! What on earth is this…”
Thud.
Jin Songwon’s forehead touched the ground.
“I know all too well how deep the sins Diancang has committed are, Vice Sect Leader.”
With his forehead still pressed to the ground, Jin Songwon went on.
His voice was neither bitter nor desperate – merely calm. For that very reason, a voice that made one hold their breath all the more.
“But… those of us who sinned have paid with our lives. I know. I know that alone isn’t enough to atone for our sins… but…”
Jin Songwon bowed lower still, pressing himself down.
“The children who survived are without guilt, are they not?”
“…Sect Leader.”
“Please, grant them forgiveness… so that they may live a future they need not be ashamed of…”
Baek Cheon’s hand trembled faintly. He could not forgive Diancang. He neither had the power to do so, nor the position for it. No one in the world – no matter who, not just Baek Cheon – would dare presume to decide such a thing.
However, at the same time, Baek Cheon knew. Jin Songwon had no time left. Therefore, the only one who could forgive Diancang, here and now, was Baek Cheon standing before him.
“Sect Leader……”
Baek Cheon, about to speak, bit down hard on his lip again.
Is this right?
As a disciple of Hwasan, Baek Cheon carried a deep sense of guilt towards Diancang. But that was only in his capacity as a disciple of Hwasan.
From the perspective of the world, there are surely those who could never forgive Diancang’s deeds. Could Baek Cheon forgive Diancang on their behalf? Did he have the right to judge that the price they have paid is truly enough to wash away the sins they have committed?
Jin Songwon did not raise his head.
This act might have simply been his final excuse, perhaps nothing more than comfort against the cruel future Diancang would face without its Sect Leader.
Whether Baek Cheon forgave them or not, Diancang’s future would not change much. Jin Songwon surely knew that as well.
And because Baek Cheon could see all of this, he could not bring himself to turn away from the man bowing weakly before him.
“I am merely the Vice Sect Leader of a single sect.”
Jin Songwon’s shoulders trembled.
He was prepared to accept whatever answer Baek Cheon might give. And yet he trembled because the voice flowing from Baek Cheon was so emotionless it felt cold.
“For that reason, I cannot forgive Diancang on the world’s behalf.”
Jin Songwon still did not raise his head. He knew there were more words to come.
“But as Hwasan’s Vice Sect Leader… I give you my word.”
Baek Cheon spoke while looking straight at Jin Songwon, who was still bowing.
He must not extend a hand. He must not offer a warm smile. These words must not turn into a kind consolation.
Stripping away all feeling, he spoke as if taking an oath – as Hwasan’s Vice Sect Leader, and as a martial artist Baek Cheon.
“So long as the plum blossoms of Hwasan do not wither in my heart, Hwasan will spare no support for Diancang’s children.”
“…”
“And I, too – daring to speak in Hwasan’s name – deeply apologize for the sins that our Sect committed against yours.”
With difficulty, slowly, Jin Songwon raised his upper body.
He saw Baek Cheon, waist bent in a deep bow, performing the fist-and-palm salute.
Jin Songwon knew.
Bowing one’s head when circumstances are unfavorable is not difficult. One does not hesitate about laying everything down, as Jin Songwon does now.
But to bow even while knowing you stand in the superior position is hard. All the more so if you have excuses to offer.
Baek Cheon could have turned away. He could have ignored it entirely. No – he didn’t even need to do that. With silence alone he could have buried everything. Diancang’s name would soon vanish anyway.
But Baek Cheon bowed his head to Diancang and to Jin Songwon – not when he was at his weakest, but only after he had regained his strength and station.
“I give you my word, Sect Leader. At the very least… Diancang’s children will not have to feel shame when they look up at the sky. I will see to it. At any cost.”
Jin Songwon forced out a weary voice.
“Vice Sect Leader.”
“Yes, Sect Leader.”
“In the distant past…. when the Demonic Cult surged towards Hwasan… Diancang knew of it as well.”
“…”
“But our predecessors turned away. Because they were too broken and exhausted. Because they no longer wished to fight.”
Baek Cheon quietly nodded.
“You knew?”
“Yes.”
“And even so, you forgive us? Perhaps everything we suffer now is the price for that betrayal.”
Baek Cheon shook his head.
“Had it been in the past, I could not have forgiven.”
A short sigh slipped from his lips.
“But now I can understand. Having shortcomings is not a sin. There are things that cannot be accomplished with will and conviction alone. That must be acknowledged. Yet it must never be worn with pride. That is what I have learned.”
Jin Songwon, who had been staring at Baek Cheon with unfocused eyes, smiled faintly.
“Vice Sect Leader.”
“Yes.”
“I entrust the children to you.”
“…Yes, Sect Leader.”
Those words were enough.
Across the sunlit earth, a soft breeze stirred. After the wind that warmly tickled the skin had passed by, Jin Songwon left behind a smile as gentle as that breeze.
Baek Cheon looked at that smile, now forever still, in silence – as though engraving it deep within himself.
After a long while of looking upon Jin Songwon’s lifeless body, Baek Cheon once more offered a deep fist-and-palm salute.
“May you… may you rest in peace.”
His voice was calm and unwavering. But Baek Cheon’s shoulders, turned up towards the sky, trembled slightly.
________
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