Return of the Mount Hua

You can do it. (11)

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There was nothing in particular to say. They simply sat side by side, silently drinking.

It was an awkward scene to call either a shared drink or a solitary one, but at times that alone is enough. A person can find comfort simply in the fact that someone is beside them.

Darkness had settled upon the quiet land. From afar, the sound of insects could be heard.

So peaceful and still was the world that it was hard to believe that only half a day ago a brutal battle had raged in which countless people killed and were killed.

“Your body?”

Breaking the silence, Chung Myung asked absentmindedly.

“Should I say I’m fine, or…”

Baek Cheon, after a brief hesitation, shook his head.

“I still don’t know. I can’t properly explain the state of my body either. It’s my body, yet it feels like it’s not mine. Should I say it feels familiar, and yet there’s this strange unfamiliarity mixed in?”

Chung Myung nodded.

“You’ll get used to it.”

“…”

“It has changed, but that’s all there is to it.”

Baek Cheon silently nodded as well. If Chung Myung said so, then it would be so. Yet, strangely, the words seemed to linger in his heart.

“It has changed, but that’s all… Will it really be just that?”

This time, Chung Myung did not nod either. He knew Baek Cheon’s question carried another implication.

“Chung Myung-ah.”

“Hm?”

“There will probably be some who can never pick up a sword again.”

“…”

“And perhaps… There may even be some who won’t live to see tomorrow morning.”

Chung Myung set the bottle he had slightly lifted back down.

Baek Cheon looked at the bottle with a gaze sunk deep. No, more precisely, he fixed his eyes on Chung Myung’s hand holding it. The hand was trembling faintly.

“…Soso is going through a lot.”

“Yeah. She probably hasn’t sorted out her feelings yet.. But she’s back tending to the patients.”

“…”

“She’s really strong.”

“Like Lord Tang, you know.”

“Yeah. Just as you say. Like Lord Tang.”

Baek Cheon smiled bitterly as be echoed those words. 

Once again, a silence settled between the two. Unlike just a moment ago when no words were needed, it was a heavy silence born because there were things they wanted to say but could not easily bring themselves to voice.

“Didn’t you have a little more… to say? Back then, I mean.”

When Baek Cheon asked, Chung Myung tilted his head slightly.

There was no need to ask what ‘back then’ meant. Chung Myung knew. This time, a bitter smile touched the corner of his mouth.

“Well… I suppose I could have.”

“…”

“Ramble on… lay out everything I wanted to say. I could have done that, yes.”

Chung Myung’s gaze lingered on the empty air. His gaze was truly hollow.

“But would it have gotten through?”

Baek Cheon could not say anything. No one could know the answer.

“What is lost is lost.”

“Chung Myung-ah.”

“The meaning – it’s nothing more than what those left behind create to fill the empty place. Whatever words you say, in the end, it’s nothing but clumsy self-consolation.”

Baek Cheon took a sip of his liquor. He felt no particular urge to deny Chung Myung’s words. Perhaps that was the truth.

Yet still, a question arose.

“But is that wrong?”

“…Hm?”

“Clumsy self-consolation – are you saying that’s wrong?”

Chung Myung stole a glance at Baek Cheon sitting beside him.

Chung Myung’s questioning gaze and Baek Cheon’s deeply sunken one met in the empty air.

“It is not your fault.”

“I never said it was my fault……”

“Then why won’t you permit yourself even that small comfort?”

Chung Myung fell silent, as if at a loss for words. Baek Cheon shook his head and went on.

“You’re thinking that way again, aren’t you. That if you had done a little better, if you had acted a little sooner, Lord Tang might not have died.”

Chung Myung looked at Baek Cheon with an expression that made it difficult to discern his true emotions.

“You’re saying it’s not true?”

“It might be true.”

“And then?”

“Chung Myung-ah. Having shortcomings is not a sin.”

Chung Myung’s shoulders trembled faintly. Baek Cheon’s gaze seemed to pierce right through him.

“There’s no need to regret not being perfect. No – you must not. You were the one who said it: if you’ve done your utmost, then that alone has meaning. You don’t need to blame yourself just because you didn’t achieve a flawless result.”

“I……”

“If Lord Tang could speak to you now, what do you think he would say, looking at you?”

Chung Myung closed his eyes. This was something that required no thought. He would smile, saying there was no need for such things. Tang Gunak was that kind of a man. But still…

Before Chung Myung’s thoughts could sink any deeper, Baek Cheon murmured softly.

“At times…… Even self-reproach is nothing but another form of escape.”

Crack.

At those words, sharp as though piercing his chest, Chung Myung unconsciously clenched his fist. Baek Cheon glanced at him and let out a quiet sigh.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to point fingers or scold you, it’s just…”

“What do you mean?”

“…“

“Those words you said.”

Baek Cheon’s face stiffened a little as he looked at Chung Myung. Feeling Chung Myung’s heavy gaze, Baek Cheon let out a short sigh.

“…When my dantian was shattered.”

There was no particular bitterness in Baek Cheon’s voice. Yet upon hearing it, Chung Myung unconsciously bit his lip.

“I, too, blamed myself. I thought perhaps it was my own complacency that brought about everything. That if I had been more cautious, more composed, things might not have come to this.”

Chung Myung silently nodded. In the same position, he would surely have thought the same.

“But… What truly frightened me wasn’t that.”

“…I don’t quite understand. What do you mean?”

“What if, in truth, I did nothing wrong?”

Chung Myung’s lips trembled faintly. Baek Cheon continued in a calm voice.

“If, perhaps, no matter what choice I made, there was no avoiding this outcome. Even if I had always chosen the best path, in the end my dantian would have shattered, and I would have lived the rest of my life as a cripple – then what?”

Baek Cheon looked straight at Chung Myung.

“Would I have been able to accept that?”

Averting his eyes, Chung Myung brought the bottle in his hand to his lips. But soon he opened his mouth without being able to bring himself to drink.

“………Were you able to accept it?”

“Well.”

Baek Cheon shook his head.

“It wasn’t a matter of accepting that or not. I simply acknowledged it. In the end it was something that couldn’t be undone. All I did was resolve to do the best I could as I was.”

“…”

“Even if, in someone’s eyes, it looks like nothing but a meaningless struggle, it’s still better than staying still, collapsed on the spot.”

Chung Myung nodded faintly, then spoke in a small voice.

“That’s why Sasuk is a strong person.”

He tilted the bottle that had paused and took a drink. The bitterness could not be erased from his face as he gazed into the distant sky.

“Yeah. Sasuk might be right. Self-reproach is perhaps the easiest way. But, you know.”

“…”

“If one has done everything in their power, and yet cannot escape the loss – then what is the purpose of living at all?”

After a brief silence, Baek Cheon reached out and lightly tapped Chung Myung’s shoulder.

His touch was so careful that it was hard to even call it comfort. Perhaps what Baek Cheon wanted to convey was not solace, but simply his presence.

“It would be good if we could avoid losing. If we could let nothing slip from our hands… Yeah. As you say, if that were possible, nothing could be better – but, Chung Myung-ah.”

Baek Cheon spoke calmly.

“There are things you can only know because you have lost.”

So it was for Baek Cheon as well. Because he had lost, he had come to know.

“Of course, you probably know that too.”

One who does not lose anything does not know the preciousness of what he holds. One who has never tasted loss does not know the meaning of what he touches.

Yet whether these obvious words would have meaning even for one who had lost too much and was seized by fear, Baek Cheon could not be certain.

Splash.

The liquor in the bottle rippled faintly. Taking a heavy swing of the strong drink, Chung Myung cast Baek Cheon a sidelong glance and let out a small laugh.

“You’ve grown a lot, Dongryong.”

“…I’ll let it slide today.”

Baek Cheon shrugged and drank with him.

“The moping ends today. Starting tomorrow, I’ll kick your ass, so be ready.”

“Planning to break your ankle?”

“I’ve been hit so many times, that much doesn’t even hurt anymore.”

“You’d feel differently if it actually broke.”

Trading meaningless banter, the two of them suddenly, almost at the same time, burst into laughter without a word.

“Sasuk.”

“What?”

“I’m sorry.”

“Think nothing of it.”

“I did believe in you, Sasuk, but to be honest, I wasn’t certain. But… No other method came to mind.”

“As long as the result is good, that’s all that matters.”

“But earlier you…….”

“Oh-ho. The Tao is different each time.”

“……You sly brat.”

Chung Myung shook his head in disbelief.

Perhaps because his immortal qi had grown markedly stronger than before, Baek Cheon carried the air of someone from the old days – like the young Chung Mun of days past, who somehow seemed freer than Chung Myung, while never betraying what had to be upheld.

“Diancang… Would have had no regrets.”

At the moment the name ‘Diancang’ left Baek Cheon’s lips, Chung Myung’s hand twitched. Baek Cheon did not bother to look at that hand and went on.

“The Sect Leader entrusted the younger ones who remain to us. It won’t be easy, but… They’re good, kind children. If it’s those children, the day will come when they spread Diancang’s name to the world again.”

“Like Hwasan?”

“Yes. Like Hwasan.”

Baek Cheon nodded.

“It’s the duty of those who survived to carry it on.”

Chung Myung’s gaze settled calmly. Baek Cheon’s figure, gazing at the night sky, filled his vision.

Chung Myung had sought to carry on Hwasan’s legacy into this era. And now, Baek Cheon sought to pass on yet another will to the generations to come.

Things that continue and are carried on. In the end, isn’t that what the world is?

“Sasuk.”

“Mm?”

“…..Thank you.”

Baek Cheon’s eyes widened in surprise. Seeing him so startled, Chung Myung asked, a bit embarrassed. 

“What?”

“…To think the day would come when such words came out of your mouth…”

“…”

“I must have misheard, right?”

Chung Myung ground his teeth.

“I’ll let it slide today.”

“Yes, just today.”

The two of them laughed again, as if bound by another unspoken promise.

Nothing changed just because the two of them talked. Nothing was resolved. The scars carved into their hearts would never disappear, after all.

But even so, there was someone who would look up at the same sky. Chung Myung thought that might be enough.

Then, turning his head slightly back, he said.

“…If you didn’t bring liquor, you’re not allowed in.”

“You petty bastard.”

“I brought mine.”

“Ehh? Sahyeong! Why didn’t you even tell me!”

“Do I have to prepare even that for you? Look over there. Sago took care of this matter as well.”

“…Good grief. Just me…”

Jo Geol, who had approached before anyone noticed, clutched his head in despair, casting resentful glances at Yoon Jong and Yu Iseol, each holding bottles in their hands.

Chung Myung burst into a loud laugh.

As he laughed with his mouth wide open, a very small bead of tears briefly gathered at the corner of his eye.

Over the quiet land, boisterous voices and the sharp scent of liquor spread. Like a song of consolation with no beat to it.

Those who had briefly woken to the distant, noisy voices, soothed the sadness in their hearts and fell back to sleep.

Through the thick of night until the break of dawn, the voices – like a song – continued without end.

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