This is the Side Story included in the physical release of Volume 7. It will be released in three parts and posted on Sundays. So expect two more parts of this SS. Chung Mun’s own story about joining Hwasan and ‘adopting’ Chung Myung.
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October 15th (十月十五日)
Today I left my family home and ascended Hwasan.
I formally performed the Disciple-Master Initiation Ceremony [배사지례(拜師之禮)*] before the man I had met previously who was to become my Master, and received the Taoist name Chung Mun [청문(靑問)] from the Sect Leader. With this I became a disciple of Hwasan, and the eldest disciple of its Chung generation.
Hwasan Sect. A renowned Taoist School [도문(道門)] in Shaanxi.
It was no easy thing to resolve to spend my entire life as a Taoist, but in the end I came to know with certainty that this was the path for me.
Many had asked me why I had chosen Hwasan, but ultimately, I could offer no explanation other than that fate had led me here. No reason could ever take the place of the heart’s calling, and perhaps all of this had been decided from the very moment I first heard the name Hwasan.
Only after passing through the main gate beneath the signboard bearing the words “Great Hwasan Sect” on my own two feet, donning my Taoist robes, and placing the Taoist cap upon my head did I finally feel that I had truly become a Taoist monk. A purity and serenity I had struggled to find while devouring countless Taoist scriptures at my family home and contemplating the Tao [도(道)] in solitude now filled my being.
I have not a shadow of doubt that this is my path.
Henceforth I shall live to attain the Tao [도(道)], and become one who can spread its teachings throughout the world. And I shall make the two characters that form the name Hwasan the very heart of Taoism.
For such shall be the course of fate.
October 17th (十月十七日)
I heard some interesting news.
It seems a newborn baby was abandoned outside the sect gates just a few days before I joined. After much deliberation over what to do with the child, the elders of the sect have apparently decided to accept him as a disciple of Hwasan. They made inquiries far and wide in an effort to find his parents, but it seems no one anywhere in Hwaeum knew anything about him.
In any case, if the child becomes a disciple of Hwasan, I imagine he will belong to the Myung generation. He was only just born and will be a mere ten years old even a decade from now, so it would hardly be fitting to place him in the Chung generation. I am twelve myself, so surely I cannot have Saje twelve years younger than I am?
No, if we went solely by the date of admission, I would be getting Sahyeong instead of Saje. That will not do, absolutely not. A Taoist sect may place generational rank above age, but Sahyeong who cannot even walk, how could such a thing possibly make sense?
At any rate, having a Sajl so soon after joining the sect is not an unpleasant feeling.
I hope the child grows quickly and learns to understand what we say. Then I shall take him about with me and teach him all sorts of things.
October 18th (十月十八日)
Something has gone terribly wrong.
Apparently, the child they found a few days ago is to become my Saje. My Saje, not my Sajil. I am currently the only disciple of the Chung generation in Hwasan, and now that baby who cannot even speak is set to become its second disciple.
This makes no sense. Can a great and illustrious sect like Hwasan really be so careless with its lineage?
The future disciples of Hwasan’s Chung generation will be somewhat younger than I am, but even the youngest will surely be seven or eight years old, and now they will have to honor that newborn as their Sahyeong. Generational rank may take precedence over age, but there ought to be limits. Expecting them to bow to a babbling infant crawling about on the floor is too much.
Yet this is a trifling matter compared to the next problem. Not that the first is insignificant, but what happened next was simply that dreadful.
The baby is rather cute, I grant, but he demands an unspeakable amount of care and keeps screaming at the top of his lungs. And now I am told that he will have the same Master as I do. Which means he will be living with me from now on.
I tried telling Master that this was absurd, but Master keeps evading the issue with remarks like ‘the decision came from above,’ and ‘the bonds of fate are not so easily severed,’ and so forth. To hell with fate!
Besides, if they wished to admit the child into the Chung generation, they could have placed him under one of my Sasuks, yet they insisted on foisting him upon Master, who already has a disciple. This… surely means they expect me to raise him. After all that nagging about devoting myself to training, they suddenly saddle me with a newborn?
I tried to protest somehow, but before I could even properly open my mouth, Master unceremoniously placed the child into my arms. I knew I should not accept him, but he kept crying, so I had no choice but to carry him back to my quarters.
I had never held a child so small before and was frightened, but he was lighter than I had expected, and warmer still. Even now that I have laid him down, the sensation lingers in my fingertips.
And the child is… screaming. He will not stop. I keep pressing too hard with my writing brush, causing the characters to blur into illegible blotches. They told me not to worry, as they would see to it that the child was provided with milk, and oh, how grateful I was. I was so overwhelmed with gratitude that I nearly collapsed to the floor and burst into tears on the spot.
Buddha of Infinite Life. Buddha of Infinite Life. Buddha of Infinite Life**. Yes, this too must be a form of self-cultivation. The birth and growth of a living being must surely be no different from the flow of the Tao. I shall think of it as training and endure.
Ah, and I must go and see the Sect Leader as soon as day breaks. Surely the Sect Leader did not truly mean for me to raise that child. Surely that cannot be. Absolutely not.
October 25th (十月二十五日)
I say this with absolute certainty. That thing is a demon.
That little brat the Sect Leader named Myung [명(明)] bawls his head off roughly two hundred and seventy times a day. As if that were not enough, he demands milk around thirty times a day, whether at dawn or in broad daylight. And what a foul temper he has, twisting and thrashing about whenever the slightest thing displeases him. Undo his trousers to see whether something is wrong with his diaper, and he seizes the opportunity to piss in your face as if to say ‘now is my chance’.
Once he gets his hands on something, he simply will not let go, and if you try to pry it away, he screams himself hoarse… Last night he grabbed Master by the hair and refused to release him. We tried everything we could, but in the end there was no overcoming the child’s temper, and Master had to try to sleep with the brat clutching his hair all night. There is hardly any need to scour Hwasan’s history to know that he must be the youngest ever to defy his Master and dishonor the ancestors. There has never been another like him, nor will there ever be.
I guarantee that even Taishang Laojun would have fled to the immortal realm within three days if he had been made to care for that brat. Even Master, who had chuckled heartily and assured me that this would be a valuable experience, has lately been reduced to a haggard shadow of his former self, doing nothing but tearing at his own hair. I asked the wet nurse whether all babies were like this, and she said that never in all her life had she seen such an extraordinary child. So it was not that I lacked patience. That little monster was simply an anomaly.
As I sat quietly reflecting on how I had ended up in such a miserable predicament, I recalled that on the day I first ascended Hwasan, I had apparently prayed that I might soon be blessed with Saje.
Taishang Laojun, are you listening? I take it back. Please… I take it back…
October 30th (十月三十日)
I have come to a shocking realization. It has not even been a month since I was put in charge of that little demon. That cannot be… It feels as though at least a year has passed, yet it has not even been a fortnight!
The Sect Leader said ‘You are the eldest of the Chung generation, so you must not neglect the Tao simply because you are caring for your junior. Continue studying the Taoist scriptures and training while tending to the child.’ But is there really any need for that? If I keep raising Chung Myung in this manner, I shall soon attain enlightenment and ascend to immortality.
What infuriates me even more, however, is that the little brat looks so adorable when he is asleep. Yes, please sleep soundly, Chung Myung. Please do not wake u…… Ah, why are you awake again?! Stop crying! Hey!
November 14th (十一月十四日)
It has been over a month since Chung Myung came to Hwasan. When my Sasuks saw me, they said I seemed to have lost a great deal of weight all of a sudden, and chuckled heartily, saying that I must finally be growing taller. For the first time since coming to Hwasan, I felt the urge to talk back.
Chung Myung, on the other hand, is growing plumper by the day. At first, I remember him being rather thin and scrawny, but he has been eating so well over the past month that he now resembles a round little piglet rolling about. He has boundless energy too.
Since the child kept rolling onto his stomach and back again, I suggested putting up a barrier to keep him from hurting himself. Master merely chuckled and told me that babies his age were incapable of rolling over.
When I took Master to see for himself and showed him the child flipping back and forth, his jaw dropped. Then he muttered ‘What am I looking at right now?’ Are babies not normally able to roll over? Actually, Master is a bachelor who has never raised a child in his life, so perhaps he simply does not know.
In any case, I suppose it is good that he is growing well, but the problem is that ever since the brat began rolling over, the room has been gradually falling to pieces.
Today, while rolling about, he kicked over Master’s writing desk. Granted, it was Master’s fault for leaving the desk there in the first place, but regardless, the inkstone resting atop it came crashing down, leaving the entire room in utter disarray. Amid all this, our dear Chung Myung rolled and danced about in the spilled ink. He looked positively delighted.
By the time I had washed the child, who had turned pitch-black, and cleaned the ruined room, the day was over and I felt like crying. I had vowed to read the entire Tao Te Ching today…
And amid all this comes even more dreadful news. The women who have been nursing Chung Myung will apparently be leaving the mountain soon. Did they say that by now I could simply spoon-feed him goat’s milk? Easy for them to say, when that little monster thinks nothing of crying for food thirty times a day. Do they expect me to spend the entire day glued to his side, waiting on him hand and foot!
Lately I often feel like crying. Please, Master, Sasuks. As the eldest of Hwasan’s Chung generation, I have a duty to train and cultivate the Tao for the sake of Hwasan. I did not join Hwasan to raise a child! I feel as though I am going mad!
Ah, and that brat Chung Myung seems to have a rather peculiar temperament. When he is irritated, he howls like a demon from the depths of hell, but when he is in a good mood, he giggles like a jade child*** from the immortal realm.
Were it not for that smiling face and those plump cheeks, I would have long since thrown myself on the floor before the Sect Leader and declared that I could not take it anymore. No, actually, I have already thrown myself on the floor several times.
Even as I write this diary entry, the little rascal is sitting right next to me, beaming with joy. Stop smiling – I might actually start getting attached to you!
November 15th (十一月十五日)
There is good news. Word must have spread that my condition has been rapidly deteriorating lately, because the elders of the sect have discussed Chung Myung’s care once more. After a lengthy meeting, they decided that Baek Dan [백단(白檀)] Sasuk would look after him. Apparently, their reasoning was that since Sasuk has a child of his own who has yet to formally join Hwasan, raising him should be easier for him than for the others. I hear that Baek Dan Sasuk accepted the Sect Leader’s proposal after careful consideration.
Raising a child is, of course, a worthy undertaking, but no easy task, and apparently they could not leave him in my care at the cost of the eldest disciple’s time for training. How astonishing that they should be so considerate of me. If they knew that, they could have thought of it sooner… Rather than doing something and regretting it afterward, should they not think before deciding? How on earth have people like this managed to lead such a great sect… No, no. At least the situation is finally changing, and that is what matters. The moment I heard the news, I was so overwhelmed with emotion that I nearly burst into tears.
And so today is my last day living with Chung Myung. Of course, having a different Master will not change the fact that he is my Saje, and I will still see him often within the sect.
At first, I was simply overjoyed, but now that I think about how we will be parting tomorrow, I feel a little bittersweet. Will this little rascal even remember that, for a brief time, I went through so much hardship to raise him?
Chung Myung. You must be good and grow up well under your new Master too. When the day comes that you are old enough to understand what people say, I shall let you ride on my shoulders and carry you around, so long as you behave yourself.
November 16th (十一月十六日)
This morning, Baek Dan Sasuk and his wife came to take Chung Myung away. Chung Myung began bawling the moment he found himself in unfamiliar arms. Baek Dan Sasuk said he would soon grow accustomed to them. Once Chung Myung was gone, peace returned to the thatched hut for the first time in ages. Master also went out early, saying he had something to attend to, so I have the place to myself. For today, at least, I decided to set aside my training and rest.
How long has it been since everything was this quiet?
For the first time in ages, I took my time brewing tea and read the Taoist scriptures I had barely been able to touch. Though I had only spent a month away from my studies, some passages already felt unfamiliar, so the sages were surely right to say that unceasing diligence matters above all else. I must have fallen behind by as much as I had neglected my studies. But it is not too late once one recognizes this. From this day forth, I shall steel my resolve anew and devote myself wholeheartedly to cultivation.
But… was this room always so spacious?
November 17th (十一月十七日)
I woke of my own accord before dawn. Getting up at that hour to spoon-feed him milk and change his diaper while barely able to open my eyes must have become second nature. I sprang up out of habit, then lay down again. But once awake, I strangely could not get back to sleep, so I went outside and sat gazing at the mountains. I thought the cold dawn air would clear my head, but instead it only left me feeling strangely hollow.
I am a little worried about how Chung Myung is faring. He is so fussy that he cannot be easy to look after. Still, that little rascal has such an easygoing disposition and such a hearty appetite that I trust he will adjust well enough.
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*It is a profound Chinese tradition that formalizes the bond between a mentor and a disciple. It ensures the passing down of knowledge, ethics, and skills in fields like martial arts, traditional medicine, arts, and crafts. So it doesn’t only apply to martial arts sects. The tradition consists of giving the Master six ceremonial gifts and performing ceremonial duties/steps.
**무량수불(無量壽佛 – Muryangsubul) – refers to the same Buddha as 아미타불(阿彌陀佛 – Amitabha). The difference is that Muryangsubul is a translation of the Sanskrit into Chinese that expresses the meaning, while Amitabha is a phonetic transcription of a Sanskrit name.
***옥동(玉童) – refers to a cute, beautiful, and healthy infant boy.
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